A day with Simon Cowell

A: So when are you going to ask Paula out?

S.C: (in British accent) Oh, please don't start that with me again, you know fully damn well that I just want to be a single guy now. Get it through your head for god sakes.

A: OK OK sorry I asked.

S.C: Anyway, are you going to help me choose out something to wear for Tuesday night?

A: What's Tuesday night again?

S.C: Oh you are simply useless. Hello, American Idol, I'm judging remember? You have to help me choose something to wear.

A: Oh yeah, sorry. OK so I was thinking maybe instead of wearing so many black, greys and muted colors, you would go for a more colorful approach, what do you say?

S.C: That's a joke right, I mean you can't be serious. Me and colors, that sounds absolutely ridiculous.

A: OK then, well I guess we will just stick to finding you the usual long sleeved grey shirt.

S.C: Thank you

A: (picks up black shirt) OK here try this one on.

S.C: Not unless, you're trying to make me look like one of those overweight contestants on American Idol. And please don't try to make me look like on of those drunk karaoke singers.

A: (shows another shirt) How about this one?

S.C:Truthfully, that's absolutely horrible.

A: (looking over at entrance) Hey, isn't that Sanjaya who just walked in the entrance? Look over there?

S.C: Oh great just what I need right now.

A: How cool would it be if he was on the next season?

S.C: You can't be serious. I won't be able to put myself through another season of his corny, horrible, dreadful voice. It's an absolutely 100% categorical no.The only decent thing about that guy's performances was the end.

A: OK then, I'll make sure to pass that message to him.

S.C: Gosh, please do. He even looks absolutely horrendous.

A: Anyway, is there anything else you need besides a new shirt?

S.C: Oh yes, I need a bottle of Aspirin.

A: Why?

S.C: What a stupid question. After being put through all of those irritating 'boo's' and unnecessary screams for horrifying singers, by the end of the show I definitely need an Aspirin.

A: Oh, I never knew that, you always look so calm.

S.C: I think you need to get your eyes checked, because I'm always annoyed at the noise of that crowd.

A: (looks at Simon's right) Hey check out those blond triplets over there.

S.C: Oh, please they look like 3 overweight Jessica Simpson's.

A: You'll never change will you?

S.C: What a ridiculous question.