CRUSHED!

If only he knew what I've done to him and his family, I would probably not be standing here right now. I would most likely be a lifeless body laying beneath this cliff. Telling the brother who stands ahead of me who has always cared and loved me and has never thought twice about putting my needs before his, will be the most difficult thing I have ever had to do in my life.

While growing up John has always been the 'better' child in our parents' eyes. He was the better student than me, the better sport player than me, the better good-looking one than me. I always came second. John even took me into his home with his own family. There was no other choice really, I mean I had no money, no job and no home. Throughout my teen years, I use to just say to myself 'I will find that special person one day who will love me and see me as the better one'. That day never came, but the dark side in me did. It came the day when John went out of town for business. That night I came back to his house completely drunk and out of my senses. I remembered opening the door to the sight of his beautiful wife in her pyjamas making her way up the stairs. All I remembered was a burning desire was raging inside me. I was forcing her onto her bed while her strong struggles against me persisted. Her moaning and groaning left me satisfied, thats when I walked out and quietly sneeked into my room, making sure not to wake their two sons.

Waking up in the morning and remembering the sinful act I had commited, left me crushed. How could I have done that to the poor woman who took me into her home and to my brother, John. When John came home that night, it was as if everything was normal with his wife. She had not said a word to him about what I had done to her. This had made it even worse considering how much she wanted to keep this family together and she knew it would kill her husband who thought the world of his brother. Days passed , turning into weeks, when I finally realized I had to tell John the truth or else I would not be able to live with myself.

I thought of no better place than to bring my brother to reveal the truth to him than the cliff we use to hike up to every holiday. It kills me inside to see him just standing there taking in the beautiful scene that surrounded us. He looks so content with life, standing there like a statue. I have to tell him now, knowing that in an instant the way he views his perfect life will all be crushed and destroyed by none other than me, his own flesh and blood. I've always been a nobody and nothing, which is why after I tell him, I will plunge towards the death I most certainly deserve, while he watches my life going into a distant till my bones crush to the ground.