Witness it's beauty with your eyes,
you'll see that it never dies.
Witness it's freshness with your nose,
just come and take a dose.
It surrounds you with it's embrace,
you'll see it stands with so much grace.
Sending to you a slight breeze,
you'll see it never ceases to freeze.
It stands throughout time so still,
you'll never hear yourself say, until...
It's scenic view is infinite,
you'll love it, is definite.
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2 comments:
It's short and sweet. The rhythm's not bad, but sometimes it seems to cut off too soon. For example, "Witness it's freshness with your nose, just come and take a dose." There's more syllables on the first line than the second one. Maybe you can added more words to balance it out.
You need to let go of the rhyme. In both this and the previous poem the simplistic rhyme scheme detracts from the otherwise lovely poetry.
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