Think before you act

audience:18-25
purpose: To show that making impulsive decisions can result in regrets later on. This post shows to think before you act.

Looking out my window and seeing nothing but darkness surrounding the city, I am reminded of the dark phase in my life currently. Actually, this darkness seems to have describe what my life has been like for the past two years. First losing my teenage daughter in a drinking and driving car accident, then losing my husband, Nick to another woman. However, after moving on from these saddening happenings, I remarried to a wonderful man who has always cared about me since my high school days, Jack. Things were all lovey- dovey for awhile but then Jack started to cross the line by betraying my trust and keeping secrets from me. After it happened for the fifth time, I decided I could not take a lying man in my life and we got a divorce. Up till this day he still asks for my forgiveness and to take him back. Now one month pregnant, my life is still in a mess; no job, no family, and I am still living at this hotel. I can't drink away my sorrows with alcohol anymore; the last thing I want to do is harm my baby.

Now standing here with my hands on pregnant belly, I am thankful that the baby has not come yet. The three men who are possibly the father makes puts down my self -esteem. I think very low of myself after sleeping with the forbidden men. What keeps me from sleeping at night is to know that these men will not be able to be in my child life and definitely not mine. I have no regrets of the night I slept with my ex, Nick, who I have realized I am still deeply in love with. I know that when I tell Jack that he can also be the father of this child, he will want nothing more than to step up and be with me and the baby, not even caring if he turns out to not be the father. However I'm not so sure that I will have his support when he finds out that I also slept with his brother, Billy. Looking back now, I can't believe I was drunk to the extent of sleeping with my ex's brother. All of these men the possible fathers of my child, how am I going to tell them.

A part of me wants the father to be Nick as I am still in love with him. But I am not going to do the same cruel thing that awful woman did to me; take away someone else's husband. Billy, is a newly wed with a baby to take care of his own. But how am I suppose to allow for Jack's support and pretend as if I didn't betray him by sleeping with his brother? I don't have the courage and strength to see another child being taking away from me by getting an abortion As I contemplate my options, I know it will be another night of being deprived of sleep, only myself to blame for that and much more.